Friday, July 27, 2007

Depression Sets In Again

It's been a rather busy week at work and at home. At work, there's meetings and there's work to do. At home, there's therapy to perform on our baby every morning and every night.

I have been feeling somewhat depressed again over the last few days. My observation of our baby's Nystagmus is the reason. She seems not to be able to focus well, especially when it's a bit bright. She can hardly see anything when she is outdoor even when she's under the shade and the sun is not even strong. She'll keep on rubbing her nose and eyes whenever she is outdoor. She keeps on banging her head on the mattress when she's lying on her stomach. Her Strabismus is getting more pronounced. There's just something very wrong here. People may think that I'm paranoid but I truly believe, something is just not right. The problem is there is no specialist who can do anything or find the correct diagnosis, at least, not without a brain scan.

I'm in such a dilemma. She's still so little and my husband and I are rather reluctant to let her go through a brain scan as it required sedation. At the same time, without a brain scan, the doctors cannot make any diagnosis. Her Strabismus seems to be getting worse and her Nystagmus too. Adding to that, there's her head banging and her head nodding and her inability to see when she is outdoor. She can't even see me in between railings.

What am I to do? Anyone know of any doctors or traditional chinese medical doctors who might be able to offer some advice without doing any brain scan?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Teething Needs

The other day, I went to buy some baby biscuits for our baby. I had in mind to buy Farley's Rusks but can't seem to find it anywhere. To all mothers out there, do you have any idea where to get it?

So I ended up buying this Heinz Vegetable Teething Rusks. It's rather hard and I'm not sure how effective it is for her to chew on.


I also bought the finger toothbrush to brush her 4 little teeth.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Toning Up

It had been a long, long time ago since I last exercised. If I remembered correctly, I stopped exercising after I conceived. And that was about 16 months ago. I was very active in sports before I was pregnant. I played badminton regularly and went for swimming and evening walks. Occasionally, I went mountain climbing. I stopped jogging and running a long time ago, as I tend to get this recurring ankle pain every time I jog.

Anyway, in the early weeks of my pregnancy, I felt very restless. It seemed so weird not to be able to indulge in the sports I loved. The restlessness went on for some time and eventually, when my morning sickness sort of subsided, I went to play badminton, though what I did was just standing in front of the net and had some light strokes and net play.

Well, now, 7 months after my Caesarian operation, I am ready to go back to sports. What should I indulge in for a start? Should I go back to my beloved badminton and swimming or should I try out something new, like the mystical yoga? Whichever sports I wish to indulge in, I hope it will help me tone up my muscles again. I feel that I am rather flabby now. Even though my weight remains the same, alot of people commented that I looked better now; not so thin anymore. I must be looking a lot rounder now, to the extent that my husband's grandmother thought that I am pregnant again. Hahaha...

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Surprise, Surprise!

When I got home two evenings ago, my husband said to me, "There's something in the room for you to blog about." "OK", I said and went into the room. There, on the chair, I found a brown package. I wondered what was inside.

I lifted it up; it was light.

I shook it; it gave out some rustling sound.

Then I opened the package. OMG!!!


It's KINDER BUENO!!!

Apparently, my husband's friend in Perth, having read my blog and knew about the lack of Kinder Bueno here, bought some and sent it to Kuching through his father.

Oh my, thank you so much S and Y. I'm ever so grateful.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

An Accident

Early yesterday morning, I received an SMS from my coconut lover friend. "Me acc.x go work." I did not understand what she meant and decided to call her later on to ask. When I called, I was shocked. My coconut lover friend was involved in a horrific accident. Luckily, she is unscathed in this unfortunate accident and no casualties were involved. You see, it was not an automobile against automobile accident. My coconut lover friend accidentally, though God knows how, rammed into the fencing of some other people's house nearby her neighbourhood.


Needless to say, the whole fence was totally destroyed.


Her car's windscreen also broke into bits and pieces.


After being shell-shocked for a few hours, she apparently finds this accident very funny and kept joking about it. She even SMS me saying that she is riding a bicycle to work the next day. Hey, my friend, bicycle can only carry one coconut at a time la!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Reflections

I look at her sleeping so serenely. She is lying on her stomach. Her head is turned to one side. Her eyes are closed to a slit. One side of her chubby cheeks is squished on the surface of the mattress. Her mouth is also squished into an "O" shape and she is drooling. One of her chubby hand is right beside her face while the other is behind her head. She seems very contented and deep asleep. Such a cute, chubby little angel.

It is at times like this that my heart feels extremely heavy. Watching her while she is sleeping makes me think, when she awakens, will her eyes be OK? As of now, the answer to this question is no, her eyes are still not OK. More often than not, when she awakens, she will greet me with the sweetest smile ever. And then, her eyes will start jiggling again.

Day after day, I stared into her eyes, trying to find signs of improvement, signs that would signify a slower pace of jiggling or a longer interval between jigglings. Day after day, my head hung low, my heart ached more, after the familiar jiggling of her eyes greeted me. Day after day, I perform therapy on her, in the hopes that her eyes will finally be healed.

The ache in my heart is somewhat soothed when she gives her sweetest smile, showing her two lower teeth. (Her upper two teeth cannot be seen when she is smiling.) When I get back from work, again she will greet me with the same two-tooth grin. And I would plant many kisses on her chubby cheeks. How I wish to cuddle her in my arms now. Not so that I could comfort her but so that she could comfort me, ease my heartache and make me smile.