Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Reflections

I look at her sleeping so serenely. She is lying on her stomach. Her head is turned to one side. Her eyes are closed to a slit. One side of her chubby cheeks is squished on the surface of the mattress. Her mouth is also squished into an "O" shape and she is drooling. One of her chubby hand is right beside her face while the other is behind her head. She seems very contented and deep asleep. Such a cute, chubby little angel.

It is at times like this that my heart feels extremely heavy. Watching her while she is sleeping makes me think, when she awakens, will her eyes be OK? As of now, the answer to this question is no, her eyes are still not OK. More often than not, when she awakens, she will greet me with the sweetest smile ever. And then, her eyes will start jiggling again.

Day after day, I stared into her eyes, trying to find signs of improvement, signs that would signify a slower pace of jiggling or a longer interval between jigglings. Day after day, my head hung low, my heart ached more, after the familiar jiggling of her eyes greeted me. Day after day, I perform therapy on her, in the hopes that her eyes will finally be healed.

The ache in my heart is somewhat soothed when she gives her sweetest smile, showing her two lower teeth. (Her upper two teeth cannot be seen when she is smiling.) When I get back from work, again she will greet me with the same two-tooth grin. And I would plant many kisses on her chubby cheeks. How I wish to cuddle her in my arms now. Not so that I could comfort her but so that she could comfort me, ease my heartache and make me smile.

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