Tuesday, November 27, 2007


*Sigh* I know. I had not been updating regularly of late. I had been rather busy with lots of things; conference papers, technical papers, Postgraduate Diploma, assignments to do, miscellaneous researches, baby-sitting, a long queue of back load of work to be done and lots more.

The main stress-inducing factor is of course, the fact that the massages and therapy of our baby for a few months now, have yet to exhibit any form of improvements in her Nystagmus. Apparently, some weeks ago, we thought that we could detect some improvements in her Nystagmus, but after that, it was still the same. It hurts to see her squint all the time, trying to focus and see, especially during the day time. She is going to be one year old soon. I'm very excited about that, though, I'm still very anxious about her Nystagmus, about how she is going to deal with it when she grows older if it doesn't heal.

There are a lot of uncertainties, over which I have no control of. Numerous times, in forwarded emails, I have received a quote "Do not worry about what you have no control of." I know, this is easier said than done. How can I not worry about my beloved little brat?

Lately, I'm beginning to have insomnia too. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night, around 2-3am and I cannot go back to sleep after that, no matter how hard I try. It's making me very tired during the day time. At those early wee hours of the day, I did a lot of thinking. All was quiet, except for the ambient sound of air-conditioning blowing. The light emitted from the light box illuminated the room enough for me to check on my two loved ones. I checked on the little brat and found her fast asleep, with no blanket covering her. So, I went to cover her up in her comforter. Then I turned and looked at my husband. His long legs protruded out of the comforter and rested on the bed frame. No wonder he is cold all the time. That's what happens when you have legs longer than the bed. The cold air can get in from there, making you freeze all night long.

And so, I lie awake after that, till the sun rise in the horizon, my mind full of questions, which are unanswered.

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